
The fact that the Magic 8 Ball is at its core an eight ball conjures up the phrase, "Behind the eight ball," a term used to refer to someone who is at such a disadvantage that they are almost cursed. Invented 50 years ago, it has spawned such Internet sites as The Magic 8 Ball Autopsy, The Talking Kurt Cobain Magic 8 Ball Site, and The Smoking Head of Bob (which served as a Magic 8 Ball site until the friendly folks at Tyco sent a cease & desist letter). The Magic 8 Ball is an object of worship. When I asked the Magic 8 Ball if it was a tool of the devil, it answered, "It is certain." The small black oracle's packaging reads, "Magic 8 Ball to be used for entertainment purposes only."
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This type of childlike logic always inspires the suspicion that whatever someone is making the effort to deny must be true (i.e.: "Clinton's impeachment trial was not about sex!"). The reason the Magic 8 Ball is an occult power tool, in my humble opinion, is that it says it isn't.

Is there any other way to explain an implement of such magnitude? No, the real stealthy tool of Satan is a palm-sized black plastic sphere with 20 possible different answers to life's most mysterious questions (so long as they are asked in a yes-or-no form).

Imagine how children across America will feel when they discover that one of their most enduring and popular toys is actually a tool of the occult! We're not talking about the Ouija board, despite that demonic diversion's frequent place as fodder for fundamentalist Sunday morning rants.
